Tattoo

OK so I'm getting ready to go to work and I look at myself in the mirror.... I don't mean to sound like a total insecure girl but I just have so many aspirations for what I want to put on my body, that sometimes it makes me unhappy because its a long and perilous road..... 

People always judge you based on what you look like and tattoos are like a big blinking sign that says "HEY I'M A VAGRANT AND TROUBLE MAKER..... DON'T TRUST ME!" At least that's what a lot of people assume and it really gets under my skin.

 I have made strides in my life mentally, physically, and emotionally that people should be proud of. I have done things to myself and others that I haven't been proud of but Ive grown.... as a person in many ways over the last few years, and the personal strides I have made I have documented on my body thru tattoos. 

I hate being judged because really all I ever do is judge myself.... Am I good enough, is what I'm doing right, who am I going to hurt? What can I do to make things better? Lots of different questions I ask before I do things

I don't expect people to understand me, But don't judge me for who you think I am before you know because that is one thing I cannot and will not tolerate.

xo-- Shannon

Jeans Day at work

OMG!! IM soooo excited! I get to wear jeans and gym shoes to work today because I donated $10 to the relay for life...... I mean I would donate money almost daily if it meant that I could dress down at work. No skank skirt for me today.... Just some jeans and gym shoes..... You have no idea how excited I am..... Welp to get ready for work now. :]]

xo-- Shannon

Soco Lime

So its my off day and I'm sitting at home alone.... yet again.

I guess I can't really complain cuz I'm making some pretty cool friends in this town. Moving out of Chicago and Northwest Indiana was probably one of the hardest things I ever did. I loved it there and some of the people. Not all of them but some of them. The south side of Chicago was a super rough place to grow up but I have to say that I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't grow up there. I'm not naive, I am gullible but that's because I want to believe the best in people and that bad things happen to good people for the greater good. My mom did everything she could to keep me out of trouble and I feel like I tried to rebel so much that in the end I ended up screwing up alot of my life for a while. Now that I see what she tried to do for me I respect her so much for it. I wish that at the point when she was trying to do it I would have just went along with it.... cuz At this point in my life I would have been so much better off. 

 This is a kinda stupid non directional rant about nothing, but it just feels good to be writing about something. I named this post soco lime because I have a liter in my freezer and I am debating if i wanna drink myself stupid before I go to bed. Soco has been a huge part of my life for a long time. lol Not like I'm a problem drinker but if I'm gonna drink I want to drink something I love..... and that's soco. :]]

On the topic of relationships, Ive found out that I'm completely horrible at them I can't open up. I have a horrible time even contemplating getting close to someone because I don't wanna get hurt, so I pull away... Classic Shannon Move. If you have ever been on the receiving end of it I'm really sorry because Ive been told its a horrible feeling. Maybe ill get into my insecurities another time, 

So I guess drinking alone is outta the question.... Maybe I'll head off to bed. I need some time to myself anyways.... Just to think an contemplate life.

GOODNIGHT!!

xo--Shannon

I've always played a fool

I'm a strong believer in the power of love... 

Don't get me wrong its a powerful and amazing thing. 

But when is it too soon to declare your love for someone?

 I think that in order to love someone you have to know them.... I mean really know them. Not just the basics, but have a good handle on who they are, How they take their coffee, their likes, dislikes, the things that drive them as a person, family backgrounds, allergies, what kind of pizza they like .... anything that is important to you or the other person. 

I don't mean to sound skeptical but come on.... Someone who prob doesn't even know your birthday without looking at your facebook profile can't possibly love you right?

Now the thought that someone can come up with their own perception of you and love that.... I can understand. Most people need life sugarcoated to live it. A series of white lies or people cutting them breaks to spare feelings or conflicts. 

So the idea that someone loves their own perception of you as a person is most likely more probable. Or even that its not you they love at all but they just need someone to fill that void.

Get a DOG!!

 I've felt that void before, and I still do sometimes but I don't push it off on other people. Its a horrible feeling, but you have to deal with it to grow as a person. 

I don't mean to rant like this but I guess its just the best way for me to get it out. I mean sometimes I truly wonder if some people think about things before they say it..... Or even let the alcohol in their blood stream determine everything they say and do.... It seems to me that being a crutch to other people to make their life easier or better really just makes your life suck more. 

I've grown up alot after the last few years and I feel like I wasn't a very nice person for a long time and i really wanted to change that.... But now I feel like I'm just letting people walk all over me and the confrontation of me letting out my true feelings unnerves me.... I feel like I'm stuck between a HUGE rock and an EVEN BIGGER hard place. I don't wanna hurt anyone but on the same path I feel like I truly am hurting myself. 

Here was a real blog for ya.... There will be many more to come.

xo-- Shannon

hmmmm....

OK.... 
So the one thing I don't want is this blog to be a way for me to sit around and complain all the time. I mean more power to people who don't have anyone but the people who read their blog to complain to but I'm not one of them. 


On that note I think I might complain.... Hahahahaha.... Even though I have no followers and no one is prab reading this. 


lol I'm just joking. 


This is the end of my blog tonight.... OFF to bed


xo--Shannon

The first...

So I was challenged to create this blog by someone I work with because I love to write. I went to college for journalism and didn't finish because I don't respect what journalism has turned into. 


This is really hard for me because I am guarded and I cant usually talk about my feelings in general let alone let people I don't know read them but this is the beginning. The first in a string of blogs that I am going to try my hardest to reveal true thoughts and feelings because I need to. This is going to be my form of therapy, maybe it will work maybe it won't. Maybe I'm gonna get bored and not write often enough to do anything, 


At least I'm gonna know i tried.


This is the first. Maybe the second i will write some background info or just jump right into my life now. it all depends on how i feel tomorrow. 


Have a great night. <3 


xo-- Shannon