Productive Day... Sorta

SOOOOO!! I know i haven't written much... god I feel like all my life consists of is bad TV, work, and sleep. Well today I was awoke by my mother at 8:55 am ..... for those of you that know me I didn't even go to bed until 6:50 am so I'm running on almost no sleep but for some reason feel magnificent... I'm doing laundry, Dishes, Cleaning the bathroom, I actually went to the store and donated clothes to a homeless shelter today, I feel like I've been mighty productive since its only 12:30.   

So since I got that out I'm also writing a blog to say something.

Today when I went and donated some of my lightly used clothes and shoes and such things to the homeless shelter I felt so amazing that I could do something like that for someone I don't know. I always thought when I was getting rid of stuff to take it to Goodwill or the Salvation army but what about people who don't have a place to live or Jobs or anything like that... What do they do when they don't have the $5 to buy a warm coat or sweatshirt when it gets cold? Why didn't I do this before? I'm really considering trying to start a donation drive or something like that for this homeless shelter. I feel like People have so much, alot of things that we don't even use (I am very guilty of this and am not criticizing) Why not give to people who have nothing?! As a culture are we that spoiled and blind? I'm not gonna go into this even tho I really want to.So now that I got that out.... NEXT

So I talked to my elusive father today.... which doesn't really happen very often. he is not a bad father by any means, at least in the way I see it. I feel like if I spend all my time being mad at him for the things he doesn't do I wouldn't have anytime to appreciate him for the good things, which there is a long list of great things he does... but for example i moved here almost 5 months ago, and yet when I asked him if he would come visit he replied " Not This year Shannon..." NOT THIS YEAR?! He gets almost 6 weeks of vacation over the summer because the company he works for has the majority of its business in the winter. How can you not schedule a few days out of those 6 weeks to come 4 1/2 hours to see your ONLY daughter.... That is just an example of why I am mad. But that's kinda off topic. So on this phone call today he informed me that he has a tumor on his colon.... They will know on Thursday if its cancer... So I'm freaking out of course, and trying to figure out days where I could go see him... which are Nil to none with my work schedule. UGH What a crap day now... Its funny how a few little words that come out in a matter of seconds can ruin entire hours and days... blah... 

Well Now its 2pm because I keep coming back to write more. I guess this might make up for the few days I didn't write, Now to go sulk with some chunky monkey and my DVD player

xo-Shannon

Patrick Stump - "Spotlight (Oh Nostalgia)"

So I know I just posted a blog... But I just really wanna share this video with people. It really motivates me..... and the people in it are doing a ton of cool stuff, so It's also really fun to watch

As long as I know I'm getting paid....

Hmmm So I don't write very often and thats just because the time it takes me to pick up my computer and get to this site I could be doing something else, like maybe rushing to work. Hence the title today. So I'm taking a few minutes out of my day to say how much I really have learned to love my job, and most of the people I work with. But when I say most I really mean that because working with a few of them makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon.

I believe that we are lucky, we have decent jobs where we can support ourselves and families if we have them, but some of these people all they do is complain, I just don't understand.... Really I don't want to. What ever happened with just being thankful for what we have.

On this note I have to go finish getting ready for my 2nd day in an 8 day stretch.... its gonna be a great 7 days.... Just saying


xo-- Shannon

Sleeping With Sirens - If I'm James Dean, Then You're Audrey Hepburn (V...

Oh man.... so Ive been wanting to post and havent really had much to say... but for some reason this song says it all right now... I'll actually post a whole bog in a bit

xo-- Shannon

Tattoo

OK so I'm getting ready to go to work and I look at myself in the mirror.... I don't mean to sound like a total insecure girl but I just have so many aspirations for what I want to put on my body, that sometimes it makes me unhappy because its a long and perilous road..... 

People always judge you based on what you look like and tattoos are like a big blinking sign that says "HEY I'M A VAGRANT AND TROUBLE MAKER..... DON'T TRUST ME!" At least that's what a lot of people assume and it really gets under my skin.

 I have made strides in my life mentally, physically, and emotionally that people should be proud of. I have done things to myself and others that I haven't been proud of but Ive grown.... as a person in many ways over the last few years, and the personal strides I have made I have documented on my body thru tattoos. 

I hate being judged because really all I ever do is judge myself.... Am I good enough, is what I'm doing right, who am I going to hurt? What can I do to make things better? Lots of different questions I ask before I do things

I don't expect people to understand me, But don't judge me for who you think I am before you know because that is one thing I cannot and will not tolerate.

xo-- Shannon

Jeans Day at work

OMG!! IM soooo excited! I get to wear jeans and gym shoes to work today because I donated $10 to the relay for life...... I mean I would donate money almost daily if it meant that I could dress down at work. No skank skirt for me today.... Just some jeans and gym shoes..... You have no idea how excited I am..... Welp to get ready for work now. :]]

xo-- Shannon

Soco Lime

So its my off day and I'm sitting at home alone.... yet again.

I guess I can't really complain cuz I'm making some pretty cool friends in this town. Moving out of Chicago and Northwest Indiana was probably one of the hardest things I ever did. I loved it there and some of the people. Not all of them but some of them. The south side of Chicago was a super rough place to grow up but I have to say that I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't grow up there. I'm not naive, I am gullible but that's because I want to believe the best in people and that bad things happen to good people for the greater good. My mom did everything she could to keep me out of trouble and I feel like I tried to rebel so much that in the end I ended up screwing up alot of my life for a while. Now that I see what she tried to do for me I respect her so much for it. I wish that at the point when she was trying to do it I would have just went along with it.... cuz At this point in my life I would have been so much better off. 

 This is a kinda stupid non directional rant about nothing, but it just feels good to be writing about something. I named this post soco lime because I have a liter in my freezer and I am debating if i wanna drink myself stupid before I go to bed. Soco has been a huge part of my life for a long time. lol Not like I'm a problem drinker but if I'm gonna drink I want to drink something I love..... and that's soco. :]]

On the topic of relationships, Ive found out that I'm completely horrible at them I can't open up. I have a horrible time even contemplating getting close to someone because I don't wanna get hurt, so I pull away... Classic Shannon Move. If you have ever been on the receiving end of it I'm really sorry because Ive been told its a horrible feeling. Maybe ill get into my insecurities another time, 

So I guess drinking alone is outta the question.... Maybe I'll head off to bed. I need some time to myself anyways.... Just to think an contemplate life.

GOODNIGHT!!

xo--Shannon

I've always played a fool

I'm a strong believer in the power of love... 

Don't get me wrong its a powerful and amazing thing. 

But when is it too soon to declare your love for someone?

 I think that in order to love someone you have to know them.... I mean really know them. Not just the basics, but have a good handle on who they are, How they take their coffee, their likes, dislikes, the things that drive them as a person, family backgrounds, allergies, what kind of pizza they like .... anything that is important to you or the other person. 

I don't mean to sound skeptical but come on.... Someone who prob doesn't even know your birthday without looking at your facebook profile can't possibly love you right?

Now the thought that someone can come up with their own perception of you and love that.... I can understand. Most people need life sugarcoated to live it. A series of white lies or people cutting them breaks to spare feelings or conflicts. 

So the idea that someone loves their own perception of you as a person is most likely more probable. Or even that its not you they love at all but they just need someone to fill that void.

Get a DOG!!

 I've felt that void before, and I still do sometimes but I don't push it off on other people. Its a horrible feeling, but you have to deal with it to grow as a person. 

I don't mean to rant like this but I guess its just the best way for me to get it out. I mean sometimes I truly wonder if some people think about things before they say it..... Or even let the alcohol in their blood stream determine everything they say and do.... It seems to me that being a crutch to other people to make their life easier or better really just makes your life suck more. 

I've grown up alot after the last few years and I feel like I wasn't a very nice person for a long time and i really wanted to change that.... But now I feel like I'm just letting people walk all over me and the confrontation of me letting out my true feelings unnerves me.... I feel like I'm stuck between a HUGE rock and an EVEN BIGGER hard place. I don't wanna hurt anyone but on the same path I feel like I truly am hurting myself. 

Here was a real blog for ya.... There will be many more to come.

xo-- Shannon

hmmmm....

OK.... 
So the one thing I don't want is this blog to be a way for me to sit around and complain all the time. I mean more power to people who don't have anyone but the people who read their blog to complain to but I'm not one of them. 


On that note I think I might complain.... Hahahahaha.... Even though I have no followers and no one is prab reading this. 


lol I'm just joking. 


This is the end of my blog tonight.... OFF to bed


xo--Shannon

The first...

So I was challenged to create this blog by someone I work with because I love to write. I went to college for journalism and didn't finish because I don't respect what journalism has turned into. 


This is really hard for me because I am guarded and I cant usually talk about my feelings in general let alone let people I don't know read them but this is the beginning. The first in a string of blogs that I am going to try my hardest to reveal true thoughts and feelings because I need to. This is going to be my form of therapy, maybe it will work maybe it won't. Maybe I'm gonna get bored and not write often enough to do anything, 


At least I'm gonna know i tried.


This is the first. Maybe the second i will write some background info or just jump right into my life now. it all depends on how i feel tomorrow. 


Have a great night. <3 


xo-- Shannon